There is much good to be said about today’s world of possibilities and how we as women have come along way since our grandmothers. For example, we now have the opportunity to actively pursue a career of our choices.
However, as with everything else there could be a downside to this too.
Being caught up in a career has it’s own ways. If you are a career woman, you have probably found out a lot about how certain strategies may work very well for you, while others doesn’t seem to be working at all.
In other words, you tend to do what best works of you.
However, when it comes to dating with success, here is where the confusion sets in.
Because, if you try to apply the same (success) strategies that you use for work to dating with success, chances are that – most likely – you are not experiencing the success that you want to.
Strategies for success at work usually doesn’t apply well for dating with success.
You may be thinking, ” I don’t get what multitasking has to do with dating with success. Suzette clearly must have lost her grip today…”
But this piece is actually crucial to dating with success. And the piece that I am talking about is being able to slow down and relax some more. If you are trying to hard to do it all at once, chances are that you won’t feel successful with any of it.
As women we have been told that we are great at multitasking – and sometimes we have to – but the fact is that we are not wired to do so. Our brains simply won’t cope. Consequently multitasking often leads to multi confusion which is a sure recipe for exhaustion.
Next time you find yourself multitasking on the high speed instead slow down a bit. Take a step back. Go for a short walk and clear your mind. Often times you will find the solutions when you let go of trying too hard.
The point is that when you take the time to slow down, not only will you be more productive (don’t confuse activity with productivity – multitasking doesn’t necessarily produce results) but more importantly you will be in a more relaxed state of mind.
Being in a relaxed state with an open mind is crucial to dating with success.
Read step no 12 and get tips on how to enjoy life more.
Studies indicate that a sense of community greatly helps lower the risk of heart attacks – maybe even more so than eating Broccoli, or doing 10 push ups a day.
But why is that relevant to dating with success?
Well first of all it is thought provoking that it is (again) our basic human need for connection – in terms of community – that proves to be more beneficial to our health than what we eat (this is referred to in the book “Mind over Medicin by Dr. LIssa Rankin).
But more important we all need good health.
If you are dating you need to feel good and reduce your level of stress. Because dating while in a stressful state of mind does not lead to dating with success. Quite on the contrary it leads to exhaustion and not so successful dates.
Read step no 11 and get tips on how to build community and stay healthy.
In today’s world the high pace of living leaves very little space for pause!
That is sad. Because pauses are key to our overall happiness and to keeping a healthy life balance. Pauses are also crucial to dating with success.
How do you feel if you go on a date while in a stressful state of mind?
Are you able to be fully present with your date?
Most likely the answer is “no” and your state of mind could very well mean the difference between a successful date and a not so successful date.
Being in a relaxed and open state of mind creates a great foundation for a successful date.
So how do you go about pauses, when it seems there is very little time?
Pauses can be very productive in their own way.
For example even just a 10 minutes break in the form of a power nap could get your create mind going and free it up so that you will come across with a much more clear intention for your first date.
Read step no 11 and get great tips on how to relax your way to dating with success.
You may be thinking, “what the heck does beginner’s mind have to do with dating with success?” and rightly so, as the term “beginner’s mind” mainly has its roots in zen buddhism and the material arts.
But when you stop to think about it, “beginner’s mind” makes a lot of sense and can be seen as a crucial element to dating with success.
And let me elaborate a bit on what I mean by that.
If you look up “beginner’s mind” in the dictionary it refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness and lack of preconceptions.
I don’t know about you but I personally much prefer to be meet with an open mind rather than the suffocating feeling that I have to live up to someone’s expectations of how that person wants me to be.
First dates can be loaded with (unrealistic) expectations like that.
Haven’t you ever experienced what it feels like when someone doesn’t see YOU because that person is so preoccupied with their own expectation of how they want you to be? and wouldn’t you so much prefer to be meet with an open mind ?
Being in a “beginner’s state of mind” when you are dating will help you experience the success that you are looking for. And this is worth keeping in mind whether you are on a business date, or a romantic date.
When it comes to dating nothing was ever gained by forcing our own expectations about how we want other people to be upon them.
We all want to feel free to be who we are without the additional pressure of other peoples expectations.
Read Step NO 8 and get more tips on how to date with success.
Setting your intention can be very helpful when you are dating.
This is true whether you are on a “business date”, or on a romantic date.
A simple way to set your intention is to ask yourself the following question:
“What do I want from going out on this date?”
Of course, you are free to set whatever intention that you want to.
However, as one of the main obstacles to dating with success quite often has to do with (unrealistic) expectation, I would suggest that you set a very simple and doable intention which will help you experience the success that you want.
For example, “I want to relax and get to know this person which will help me decide if I want to see him again”.
Of course, “Rome was not built in one day” but it is possible to gather enough info on the first date to see, if this date is a match for a second date.
“One date at a time” will lead you to dating with success.
The benefit of setting a clear intention is:
Read step no 8 and learn more about how to date with success.
It’s so easy to judge one another and jump to quick conclusions.
This is especially likely to happen on a first date since both of you can be a bit nervous.
Consequently we may start to analyze (with SWOT analysis running through our brains) as if a date is some kind of business venture. While the analytical part can be useful, it isn’t really helpful to begin with – at least not, if you want to date with success.
Getting to know each other takes time. Period!
And whether you are on your best date or your worst date, it is crucial to drop the judgment and simply relax into being present with another person. Although being relaxed could be easier said than done, at least try not to get to too “hang up” about the whole thing.
If a date does not go so well, I encourage you to collect your compassion rather than making quick judgment about your date (or yourself).
Simply remember that everyone is probably doing the best that they can, and if someone misbehaves, there is probably a good reason for that.
Don’t take it personally; it rarely is.
In step no 8 you will learn how to date with success!
The best way to attract your Mr. Right is by being who you are. Period!
Sounds pretty simple right, and most of you would probably agree to that…
However, in this day and age sometimes it is not always as simple as it sounds to “just be who you are”.
The collective messages we get from the media often points in a different direction.
As women (and probably men too) we are constantly bombarded with the underlying message that we are not good enough (looking) as we are, for example we are encouraged conduct to a certain body image, or social behavior.
Many times these messages and images are dictated by advertisement.
We may not think too much about it, as a lot of this kind of stuff takes place unconsciously.
But do stop to think about it! There is a whole industry out there making big money from getting women to buy what ever it takes to look and feel good (enough)”. Everything from make up to cosmetic surgery, clothing, diets and so forth.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe we should go back to being cave women.
Putting your best foot firmly forward is a good thing. However, if you want to date with success and attract your Mr. Right, you have got to be who you are and not adapt to how someone else might want you to look, be or act.
Collect your courage and be the real you!
GET SUZETTE’S DATING GUIDE TODAY and read step no 1 which is all about being you!
Connection is a fundamental human need. Period!
Research shows that without connection we (especially as women) are much more likely to feel stressed which really isn’t a great state to be in if you want to date with success.
And more so, in more extreme case, dis-connection can actually lead to addiction (yes, resent research proves that most addictions, like alcohol or drugs are actually due to a sense of isolation and dis-connection).
So where am I going with all of this connection talk?
It simple. The point of this blog is to encourage you to connect and surround yourself with people who are supportive of who you are.
And what does that have to do with dating?
A heck of a lot actually. Because, if you are dating from scarcity (or a stressed state of mind) – meaning that you need a relationship merely to fill up the gap in your stomach – that would be a recipe for disaster and how not to date with success.
(Because most likely you will end up with someone who matches that feeling which is subject for a whole other blog to explore).
Rather, I encourage you to connect with a great group of people (could be anyone with whom you feel a connection) and “fill up your love-cup” before you go dating.
Filling up your love-cup means being real and having real conversations straight from your heart.
So what are ways to connect?
GET SUZETTE’S DATING GUIDE TODAY and get more tips on how to fill up your love-cup, step no 12.